Trouble in Paradise

There’s been a slight turbulence in this flight. Fasten your seatbelts and don’t unfasten them until the pilot confirms it is safe to do so. Yes, friend there’s a slight turmoil in my heavenly abode.
• Called him late at night, as always, so we could hear e/o voice before retiring to bed after 2 hours of chitchatting sweet nothings. He was most probably just waiting for my call. (that’s how it’s been for a year now, I call, he receives, we talk, hang up and sleep)
• The talk was going just fine until we started dirty talking.
• I said something I should not have (something bad when we were dirty talking and not remotely related to dirty talking at all. Oh God, am I going to be hung till death? That’s just against the rules) and he goes all silent.
• I fell silent like I was not even holding the phone and there was no one on the other side.
• Goes on for 2 minutes.
• Roll my eyes, bitch about the whole awkward situation in my head, think it was probably my mistake, bitch about me in my head again, bite my nails, wait some more and whisper I love you. The three magical words supposed to cure everything (which does not of course after a while).
• Does not work.
• After 5 seconds or so he goes “You don’t know how to talk.”
• OMFG. Did he just say that?
• !!!
• He goes “I’m tired. Gotta sleep.” (Why play the being tired card every day?)
• Okay
• That was that
• Called him tomorrow at work and said nothing romantic.
• He said (I Love You) X 2. Was being a bitch and hung up after 2 minutes with a transparent excuse.
• Called him that night, tried to make up things. He said he was mad about the afternoon. I totally ignore him and go on trying too hard to make him laugh by being cute and stuff.
• Silence after nothing works really.
• A long silence.
• He goes “Gotta go sleep”
• That was the end of fight day 2nd.
• Call him 3rd night. Say sweet stuff and ask if he was still mad.
• A quick No as if he was talking to his buddy, he does not want to talk to.
• I get the hint.
• Stop acting so childish and start trying to make real convo.
• He accuses me of being two-faced. I say I was just trying to move on from the fight. He says “you don’t think about me the way I do so the fights are not important to you. They are to me. I think about them and there’s no way I’m getting calmer just coz you ask me to.”
• I say “Course I do, that is why I’m trying so hard to make you forget about it.”
• He gives me a cold “Eh” (WTF?)
• I say a lot less patient than at the beginning “I’m working so hard here, so you gotta give me something better than ‘eh’.”
• He goes “If you are indeed trying to make up for it how about starting with being calmer and calming me down.” All of a sudden “You know what, you can’t. Why can you never calm me down?” (which is true and I can say it bothers me all the same. Being his girlfriend and not being able to calm him down until he decides it’s time to cool off)
• I go “Coz you can’t calm me down either.”
• He goes “Is this how you think I’m gonna calm down? You calling me to fight some more?”
• I cuss him and hang up.
• He calls me back after 3 minutes or so, cusses me and hangs up.
• ….
Isn’t there some song that says how bad a girlfriend I am?